Saturday, October 9, 2010

Beauty and the, uh, other beauty

"Well, hi there, scrumptious. What brings you out to these dank, dark old ruins or mine?"

"Omigod -- are you -- are you a demon?"

"No, I'm not a demon. Jeez, why do you people always ask that?"

"Because you look ... well, you look..."

"I'm not human. Is that what you're trying to say, and making a right royal mess of it?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose, kind of. Sort of thing."

"Golly gee, Mizz Scrumptious, you sure have a gift for pellucid terminology."

"I ... hunh?"

"Let's just say, it's a good thing you have nice legs."

"I -- what?"

"You have nice legs. So tell me, what happens when the breeze gets under that skirt of yours?"

"I hadn't thought about that. Actually."

"Uh...huh. Figures. Well, there's gale-force gusts forecast for this evening, so you better not go out in them. You wanna come in and ... see my etchings?"

"You have etchings? Oh, you're an artist! That explains it! I knew there was something different about you!"

"Gor blimey, you people don't make it easy. Are you a tourist, or something?! No, Mizz, I don't gotz no etchings, ah ain't not no kind of artist."

"So why did you invite me to see some stupid etchings?"

"We call that 'making a pass' at you. A polite one. The kind of pass that -- probably -- won't get my face slapped."

"Oh, I see. Oh!"

"Uh huh. So? You wanna get the hell outta the wind before it gets up that skirt, and come inside and...?"

"And what?"

"Did I, or did I not say just one minute ago that I was making a pass at you?"

"I dunno, I'm not wearing a watch."

"Ooooooh, dear. Yes, well, I'll tell you what, kiddo. You climb back down the hill in the gale, and go to the store, and get a watch, and when you've learned how to tell the time on it, what don't you come right back up here and we'll have this little conversation again."


"But I thought you were making a pass at me!"

"So did I, at the time. Then I do believe I thought better of it."

"But you said there's windstorms coming!"

"There are. And I'm going to go grab my binoculars and perch up there beside George the Gargoyle."

"Why?"

"Because he's got the best view down the hill. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Tootles, kiddo ... mind how you go. Let me give you a hint: when Mickie's big hand points straight up, and his little hand points to his left, it'll be three o'clock."

"Oh, sure. Smartass. So, what happens at three o'clock?"

"Nothing, dear. Absolutely othing at all. I'm going for my binoculars now. Hey, George! You want some company up there, mate?"


***

The crosstalk act follows the images, really. I didn't think of it till I was resizing them and getting them ready for upload, and then this routine happened. Sorry. Victoria got a new dress, and I was testing it out with some fantasy renders ... the rest flowed on from there.

Jade, October 9
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