Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Gay vampires rock: 2010 style

"Hey, what kept you, man? I been waitin' here for half an hour, and you know there's bats!"

"I like bats."

"You like bats? You're weird. Even Batman doesn't like bats."

"I'm not weird, I'm a vampire. And I was stuck in traffic, Bradley. Even we get stuck in traffic. Occasionally."

"Don't call me Bradly. You know I hate it."

"It's your name."

"Call me Brad. Listen, I'm starving."

"So am I!"

"Yeah, but I get fed first, so I don't fall down and faint when you get fed, if you take my meanin', you being a vampire, an all."

"I take your meaning. And you wouldn't fall down and faint. You'd faint and fall down."

"You're picky tonight."

"I get that way when I'm hungry, and when I've been standing in traffic for half an hour!"

"Oh, yeah, right. So, like, you wanna go somewhere?"

"Unless you can find somewhere to get a burger or a hotdog in a ruined church, I should imagine we'll have to go somewhere ... and get you fed so that I can get fed! So, what do you have an appetite for tonight?"

"Italian. I like Italian."

"No! Bradley, you know perfectly well the garlic brings me out in hives!"

"Oh, yeah, right. Well, how about pizza? There's no garlic in pizza."

"Yes, there is. It's in the sauce. I can taste it. In your blood."

"Damn ... is that why you always hiccup, after I've eaten pizza?"


"Bradley, you're not taking any of this seriously, are you?"

"Nope. You take yourself way too seriously, man. I mean, Amadeus. So you're eight hundred years old. Whoopdie-do. Doctor Who's older than that."

"Doctor Who is a fictional character in a television science fiction comedy-drama, Bradley, not a starving vampire who is quite likely to sink his fangs into you at any moment!"


"Uh ... yeah, I guess you make a good point there. Okay, no pizza. No Italian. I guess that includes French, too, huh?"

"No, Italian does not include French, just as Italy does not include France. And no, you're not going to eat French food tonight, either -- not if you want to drive the Lamborghini!"

"O...kay. Well, you got anything against English food? They don't use garlic in English food. I could go for fish and chips."

"Mmm. With plenty of salt and vinegar ... and ketchup, all of which lends a pecular piquancuy to your blood. Here, catch the keys -- the car's parked over there, under those trees. You're driving, Bradly."

"Way cool, man! So, hey, where's this traffic jam of yours?"

The story continues...

Jade, 22 June
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