Thursday, June 24, 2010

Gay vampires rock -- part two

"So I said to him, 'Don't be a berk, Lewis, I can't come to your dumb party. You know I hang out with Amadeus at night.'"

"That was very decent of you, Bradley. Tell me, what's a berk?"

"Um ... the Australians would call it a nong."

"I've never been to Australia. The furthest south I ever went was Athens, in 1742."

"You need to get out more."

"We're 'out' now, aren't we? Speaking of which -- we have to stop meeting in places like this. It's ... muddy!"

"It was your idea to meet up here. Anyway, you're a vampire, I thought you liked all these creepy old places. Like, you sleep in an earth-filled coffin."

"I sleep on a Posturpedic mattress, Bradley."

"I know. With chocolate satin sheets. I guess when a spine gets to be as old as yours, it needs its orthopedic mattress --"

"You're not too old to be spanked, young man!"

"Oh, would you, would you? You're always promising all kinds of goodies, then you never --"

"All right, how's this? Give me back the carkeys. You're not driving the Lamborghini tonight."

"Oh ... well, poop. You know how much I love driving that car o' yours."

"Then, try treating me with a little respect, since I'm eight hundred years old and I own the damned sportscar!"

"Uh, yeah, right, okay. So, can I drive? Please?"

"You can drive it right to the diner, and eat, so I can get fed. I'm starving! You wanted fish and chips."

"No, you wanted fish and chips. I wanted Italian. Or pizza. You gave me the usual sob story about garlic bringing you out in hives, and --"

"What happened to all this respect I was going to get if I let you drive the car?!"

"Um ... yeah. I do respect you, man. Honestly. Even in the morning."

"In mourning for what? Or for whom? I always wear black. Everyone says it looks good on me."

"No, the morning, like before-noon, as in, a.m."

"Ante meridian."

"Auntie who --?"

"Shut up and get in the car, Bradley."

"I love it when you come over all masterful. S'why I told Lewis. 'You know I can't come to your dumb party, man, you know I hang out with Amadeus at night."

"And he said ...?"

"He said, 'Why don't you hang out with the dude during the day?'"

"And you said ...?"

"I said, 'Because we're both asleep during the day, because we hang out at night.' Well, duh. In red, underlined."

"I must say, I rather admire your logic."

"You're just saying that."

"No, really. And ... which way is this diner with the fish and chips --?"

"It's ... um, that way. And I get to park the Lamborghini right outside!"

"Just get in the car, Bradley."


Looking for the other parts?

Waiting for the Vampire (prolog) and Gay Vampires rock -- part one

Jade, 25 June

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