Sunday, August 29, 2010

Bimbarella, Queen of Outer Space, Episode 47: The Ice Planet


"Let me understand this properly -- you're telling me I can't go rampaging around this planet dressed like this? Why not? You turned into a prude all of a sudden? Or is this planet inhabited by a whole population of prudes."

"No, dear, not at all, but --"

"Then, what have you go against what I'm wearing? You don't like pink? You used to like pink."


"And another thing -- you're always telling me to put something decent on my feet. So look! I've put on the biggest pair of cockroach-crushing boots I could find! And it still isn't good enough!"

"Bimbarella, love, will you just shut up for long enough to --"


"I just don't believe this! I've just had my hair bleached, and my tattoos brightened up, and my legs hot-waxed, and my --"

"Bimbarella! Shut up for four seconds, and turn around, goddamn it!"

"I don't wanna turn around. Why should I turn around? I'm tired of always doing what I'm told to do."

"You never do what you're told to do. When's the last time you did something you were told to do? Huh? You see? It's so long ago, you can't even remember!"

"Well ... phooey. Pardon the French."

"Will you .... just ... turn ... around!"
"Oh, all right. Have it your way."


"Okay, so I'm turned around. What am I looking at?"

"Well, I realize this is going to be a stretch of your capabilities, but ... have you looked outside?"

"Outside?"

"Outside. It's an ice planet, for gawdsakes! There's glaciers as far as the eye can see. You can't go rampaging around out there dressed -- like -- that!"

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"Well, I could put something warmer on ... but then nobody'd be able to see that I've just had my tattoos done, and my legs, and all. I could put a hat on. But I'd get hat hair, and I've just had my hair done..."


"...so I suppose you'll just have to go without me. I'll just have to stay behind, and sit here --"

"And pout."

"I like pouting. I'm good at it."

"You get plenty of practise."


"So I'll just stay here, then, and mind the ship."

"Don't touch anything. Don't push any buttons. The last time you started pushing buttons --"

"All I wanted was a lousy cup of double-decaff late with mocha sprinkles."

"-- you found the ejection seat. I didn't even know this ship even had an ejection seat."

"Well, we came and got you, and you weren't really hurt, and it was a nice day, so I don't know what you're complaining about."

"Bimbarella! Just don't -- push -- any --buttons! Not till I get back."


"So whaddaya want me to do?"

"Mind the ship. Keep warm. And get in some pouting practise."

"Bring me back some coffee."

Jade, 29 August
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