Thursday, August 12, 2010

The vampire approaches ... I think


"When did you say he'd be here?"

"Well, Willie the Weasel said he'd be showing up here about 2:00am."

"He's late."

"I know he's late, damnit! You think vampires keep to a schedule? He's not going to be johnny-on-the-spot and get killed bang on time for you, just because you're in a hurry!


"And another thing, why couldn't you wear something decent?" Dressed like that, he's going to think you fancy him!"

"Fancy me? I should be so lucky. You know he fancies you! And anyway, what's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"You mean, what you're almost wearing."

"Same difference. You have a problem with my clothes?"

"Not when I can actually see them. It's a good thing your mother didn't live to see the way you dress to go out hunting vampires!"

"She was your mother too, damnit!"

"I know. I was there, remember?"

"You're no fun at all."

"It's not supposed to be 'fun.' It's supposed to be -- well whatever it is hunting vampires is supposed to be!"

"Yeah, well, we've been standing here so long, I'm freezing."

"It shows."

"It -- what?"

"Shows. Figure it out, dummy. I told you, you should have put something decent on. warmer."


"What was that?!"

"I said, you should have put something warmer on!"

"No, you moron, that! Did you hear that?"

"What?

"I don't know ... but I heard something. I think he's going to show up at last. The next time you see Weasel Willie, tell him to get a watch."


"Well, if he's going to show up at last -- stop striking poses, will you? You look like an idiot."

"So do you. Look at you, standing there like a pair of scissors!"

"Scissors? And what are you supposed to be?"

"Vampire bait, dummy. I'm going to distract him, and while he's busy looking at me, you can hammer the stake through his giblets."

"And what makes you think he's going to be looking at you?"

"Because I'm the one striking the pose."

"And almost wearing something that looks like a small explosion in a potting shed."

"Say -- what?"

"Say -- next time you could try actually wearing something!"

And then --

The Vampire Makes a Grand Entrance...

*** *** ***

Horace and Hortense Herschey have been poised in the creepy old cloisters for the last hour, waiting for Vladislav Nikoleyevitch Stolychniev, vampire, who is currently over an hour late, and we're not currently sure which of these siblings Vlad fancies. Dressed the way these two are, they're apt to find out.

Then again, this is what you wear to hunt vampires in the twenty-third century.

Except in the dead of winter.

NUDITY WARNIN'

See Horace strut his stuff.
See Hortense do the same.
See Horace lose his speedoes
.
See Hortense lose whatever it is she's almost wearing.

See Vlad arrive in style. Whoa.
See Vlad lose the leathers -- ouch!

Jade, 12 August

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