Monday, April 12, 2010

The Road to Rivendell: the story continues

This is the story Tolkien didn't tell ... of how Elrond overbooked for the council of war, and some of the elves ended up down at the pub, a few miles up the road...

The plot so far:

In this episode, the kid's big (warrior) brother just showed up -- arrogant as usual, and getting into a real snit when he finds out the kid's paying triple for the room with the noisy plumbing, on account of having insulted the manager (by mistaking her for the femme fatal who's been dancing in the tavern yard, naked and draped in the pet python, Gertrude). Big warrior brother is just about to give the kid a cuff around the ear. The kid's saying, "Sorry, sorry, look, I'll go tell the manager we're not staying, all right?" And then...

And then the whole picture changes when the manager's other cousin shows up to see what the affray is about. This is Cousin Winifred. The one with the big -- ideas about how the tavern should be run. The one who dresses in transparent silk, because she knows exactly how to get customers into the tavern.

And I'll bet there's a bunch of you wishing she'd step back from the camera and turn around. Not on this blog, guys! She turns around, and we get an AO rating, maybe even an R rating, depending on how enthusiastic one wants to get with the Morphs++ for Victoria 4.2! So much you can get away with on an open blog, and the rest belongs in quarantine, in case the little dears blunder in and get an impromptu biology lesson! (What, you want me to start another blog?!)

However, the pneumatic Miss Winifred must have turned around after all, because suddenly the elven warrior is saying, "Well, never mind all that ... how much do you charge? For the room that is. I didn't mean -- that is to say, I wasn't intimating that --"

Slap! And suddenly these refugees from Elrond's council are paying quadruple for the room with the noisy plumbing.

There are some of the stories Tolkien could have told you, if he hadn't been dribbling on about inconsequential things like some ring or other, and the end of the world.

And before anyone says anything, I'm the world's #1 LOTR fan! But this was too delicious ... couldn't resist! Just enjoy the renders, okay?

Jade, 12 April
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